The Hard Weigh

Ok, so we all get to the point where we need new underpants, right? Hey, it’s a need…..a little strange to be talking about, but true. And that goes double for mine! Actually, I not only needed new ones because mine were so ratty, but I hardly had any left.

Moving on to the point. Two years ago, I bought new underwear, size 11. Yeah, honestly! And they fit pretty good. As they got bigger and bigger, (or as I told my husband…..stretched out), I decided to get new ones. Ran in, grabbed the same size, ran out. (I’m not much of a shopper, can’t you tell?) Point was, when I showered and changed that night, put on my new undies, they were too big. (Trust me, you want to see a nut case in underpants, come to my house when I realize I’ve actually lost weight and my old ones weren’t stretched out after all! Yup….I did a little panty dance in my room.)

None the less, I spent more money and bought size NINES!!!! It was very refreshing! I know for ladies underpants that’s still not the smallest size going, but it sure made me happy for a couple days.

So here we are, and I needed new underpants again. We read the package this time to see what size I would need, and I swore up and down they were wrong. It was telling me I needed size 7′s! I looked at my husband and just simply said, “no way.” He forced me to buy them though, saying I wouldn’t like it very much if I got home and they weren’t the right size and had to go back. (We’re really on a strict budget right now, so it wouldn’t have been copasetic with the money situation either.)

Bottom line (ha ha…no pun intended)….got home, showered, put on my size 7 bikini briefs, and they fit perfectly!! Panty dancing time!

I know I sound whacked. Just the fact that I’m writing about my underthings, and then discussing my celebration when a smaller size fits, but for one, everyone has to wear underwear. Even those who are Commando Queens occasionally wear panties. But also, I’ll take my excitement where I can get it. If I lose weight….I don’t care if it’s a pound….I get ecstatic!! Skinny chicks just don’t realize how hard it is to avoid that burger, those nachos, or PEANUT BUTTER M&M’S. Am I right?

Ya know what? Celebrate every part of what you do to get healthy. Any little bitty thing is quite an accomplishment for a chubby checker!!

I stood there, staring, feeling extremely intimidated by my pink sweater. There it lay, folded, on top of my dresser, trying it’s hardest to look cool and innocent, but I knew the truth. It was a devious, conniving, self shrinking piece of knit that hated me from day one!

I had fond memories of that pink sweater. I remember the day I bought it. The weather was nice, but starting to get a bit brisk. We were wandering the stores and this particular sweater caught my eye. I really don’t know why…..I’m not a big “pink” person, but for some reason, I felt I had to have it.

You know the kind of sweater I’m talking about. Not a real bright color, but not a pastel either. Ribbing, but not the deep “Marsha Brady” ribbing of the 70′s, and the perfect “V” neck….just enough to show a tiny peek of cleavage. Yep…..I wanted it, so I bought it!

I was a little nervous because I didn’t try it on at the store. I held it up to my torso, checked the size twice, and decided I was good to go. (I absolutely HATE standing in front of 3 mirrors in a closet size room that I can hardly turn around in, where the curtains never quite close all the way, just to get a good, close up view of my cottage cheesy cellulite, saggy boobs and a jelly belly looking back at me in triplicate! Why bother, when I can  go home to my private bathroom, with a medicine cabinet mirror that doesn’t show past my chest, and a door that locks????) Hey, I love denial! It’s what makes my world go round!!

Bottom line…..I got home, put on the sweater, and it fit great! A little snug, but not so tight that my gut hung out and my boobs looked like they were approaching maximum capacity and could pop out at any minute & poke someone in the eyes! Yep, I was happy. And to tell the truth, I may not have looked awesome, but I looked pretty good.

As time went on and the weather became warmer, I put all my winter sweaters aside and started wearing my typical baggy tee shirts. To be honest, all my sweaters were getting too snug for comfort at this point. (Darn that dryer! It’s always making my clothes shrink!) So comfy in my tees, though… sun is shining, and living footloose and fancy free! Funny thing happened….I suddenly noticed my jeans were binding a bit around the middle, and my baggy tee shirts weren’t quite so baggy anymore. (I need a new dryer!!!!)

Actually, this was when I started realizing I needed to do something about my weight and my overall health. So I started some tricks to eating better, moved around more, and openly admitted to myself that chocolate really wasn’t one of the 4 food groups!

Last week it started to become a little cooler. I went in search of my sweaters and long sleeve tops, and came across my pretty pink sweater. The first day, (after staring at it on the dresser), I threw it aside, because I just knew it wouldn’t fit, and I really didn’t need the “fat depression” to hit.

A few days later, we were going to go shopping. I wanted something nice to wear, and it was a tad cool, so I figured “what the heck” and grabbed the pink sweater.

I never knew when I bought this sweater the deal the store actually gave me! Not only was it pretty, with a modest price tag, but it had magic powers!! No longer did it stretch across my love handles, squeeze my boobs or show off my belly button through the cloth! It actually felt loose on my tummy, arms and chest! The arms of the sweater were much bigger than my own arms, and it hung lower on my abdomen! In fact, it covered my whole stomach completely!!

So I’ve come to a decision of sorts. Either the sweater truly is magic, because as you know, when I first bought it, it shrank! ORRRRR……..my little tricks to losing weight have actually worked! Whatever the case may be, my sweater is not intimidating anymore, and I look forward to wearing it several times through the fall and winter seasons this year!

Stay tuned for the saga of the incredibly shrinking jeans!!!!!!

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for your comments. It’s honestly the first thing I check……I love hearing from others out there who are struggling with the “getting healthy” thing, and it’s very inspiring to know that some of you will be trying a few of the ideas that I’ve shared. By the way…..let me know if they work. I can’t say all of them have worked for me, but I’m not always consistent, either!!

My next adventure is Tai Chi. I keep talking about, I’ve thought about it forever, I bought a video AGES ago…..so beginning Monday, I’m popping the thing in my dvd player, and although I’ll probably look like a huge fool, I really don’t care. I’m giving it all I’ve got. I’ve heard great things about it for a long time, so I’ll let you know how it goes!! (NO! I will NOT be posting any pictures!)

I would be grateful to anyone who knows a bit more about Tai Chi than I do. If you’ve done it, if you’ve heard things….fill me in! I can use all the help I can get!!

I have been doing better…..losing a few lbs. here and there, but I have a confession. I am totally addicted to peanut butter M&M’s! Have you tried these things yet? I used to love peanut M&M’s, and mind you, they are still yummy. But if you like chocolate and peanut butter, in a compact, easy to eat size…..do NOT try these! Seriously, if I have them in the house, I will nosh on them. Usually at bedtime, while I’m reading. Just talking about it is making me want to hit the sheets and grab my book!!

I am promising myself that I am giving up the peanut butter M&M’s! I start Tai Chi on Monday, and that will officially be the day I will stop diving into the 32 oz. bag of chocolate and peanut butter lusciousness! We’ll see how it goes!

Ok, officially the strangest blog I’ve written yet. I was in the gabbin’ type of mood. Hope all your endeavors are turning out just the way you want!! And once again, thanks for reading, and definitely thank you for commenting! Keep em’ coming!!

Ok…..so I get it. I’m fat, ripe, ready for the picking, whatever you want to call it, but SERIOUSLY????

The other day, I was out in the yard treating my chickens. They love bread, and believe it or not, it has to be white bread. Yes, my animals take after me and love the fatty stuff! Anyway, I’m getting away from the point. There I stood, with a quarter loaf bag of bread, luring in my feathered friends to eat, with one chicken instantly under my feet scoffing every morsel she can get while the rest of them, relaxing under a tree in the field, were oblivious to the fact that I had food in my grasp.

Suddenly, I hear this amazing, ear piercing screech which seemed to be coming from the Heavens! I look up, just in time to see the underside of a GINORMOUS red tailed hawk. Yes, my fear was on overload as I looked up to see an all white belly and tail feathers aiming at my face. For a split second, I was afraid for my little Henny Penny who was in her own, food riddled fantasy world, unaware of the talons ready to pounce, innocently and gluttonously eating her enriched white bread which I had begun to scatter on the ground.

In the next instant, it dawned on me that this hawk, which seemed huge compared to my head, was actually coming after me!! Now, mind you, I was scared because of the size of this particular bird, but in all actually, did it honestly think in it’s little bird brain that it could realistically pick me up and fly me away to it’s home?

Hey, I don’t blame him for trying…..he could feed his little ones on my meat for months and months! In fact, they would tire of my taste before they ever finished me! But how stupid ARE these birds???? Brave, maybe…..but insanely stupid!!!

As it drew closer to my head, my reflexes kicked in and anyone driving by would think “who’s this maniac out in the field waving a bag of bread wildly over their heads?” But that’s exactly what I was doing!! Sure enough, it scared Mr. Hawk, and he dove after my Henny Penny! So as my adrenaline was pumping, and I, of course, wasn’t thinking too clearly, I began screaming as loud as I could, and proceeded to chase after this filthy fowl with murder on my mind!

As you are probably thinking, I had about as much chance of catching this speedy, soaring bird as he had of picking me up and zipping away with me in his grip, but when something startles you enough to just “react,” you aren’t thinking about possibilities….and I’ll be honest with you…. I just wanted to get my hands around his feathered, mite ridden neck. (And NO…..I’m not a killer of animals. But I sure do love my chickens!!)

Due to my obnoxious and inhumanely loud racket, he ended up flying away to parts unknown without harming any of my barnyard friends. But I can’t help asking myself…..what made this vulture of little helpless animals, such as bunnies, field mice, and chipmunks think he could actually attack a giant such as myself, and win???

Was he lured in by my flashy red hair or the fact that I wasn’t paying attention? Did he see me as weak, or did he just have a HUGE male ego which made him believe he could truly accomplish such a feat?

No….I believe it was the same thing that tempts us as we walk by a storefront window and see ooey gooey pastries displayed on frilly doilies, or the exact reason we turn into a drive-thru once we see large posters of a perfectly made burger loaded with all our favorites, hanging on the side of a restaurant. TEMPTATION! And the grand desire to have something we KNOW is bad for us!

Don’t you think if that bird had landed on my head it could have really really really been bad for him? Sure could if I had actually gotten my hands on him! Or if he had for a few seconds been able to fly off with me, I can guarantee he would have dropped like a stone to the ground! SLAM….dead in an instant, beak full of dirt!

All the time we indulge on food that is NOT good for us. We’re tempted, and our will is strong, but our will POWER weak, though our intentions are usually sane in our own minds. Would that Hawk have failed had he sunk his talons into my shoulders or head? Of course! I outweighed him by over 200 lbs! On the other hand, when we indulge too often, and try to nosh on things that shouldn’t be put into our bodies, don’t we fail?

As much as I really despise that beautiful, red-tailed hawk, I am going to use him as a guide. What to remember every time I feel weak! For one, his will was strong, but his body was too weak! He was no coward. He had great intentions in HIS mind. Just that ought to make me try as hard as he does! On the other hand, we can remember just how he would have failed if he actually HAD indulged. If he had grabbed onto me, he most definitely would have ended up a failure, and suffered terribly, similar to the way we feel after 5 trips to the Chinese food bar! How many times have you done that and then could have just dropped to the ground feeling miserable?

Wow…..we really can use every day circumstances to help us in our struggles! Look for them…..they’re usually right in front of our face, coming right at us, dying to cause harm! Am I right?

So the suspicion for MS is low…..but they found I’m having Temperal Lobe seizures and I have Fybromyalsia. Hence the thinking problems and the all over pain. Makes you not want to go on….or at least gives me an excuse for being lazy.

On a good note…..I’ve lost 13 lbs., so I’m keeping at it. It’s going much slower than I thought, but at least it’s going. The medicine they have me on is pretty screwy. Some days I hardly want to eat a thing, and others…..I crave EVERYTHING!! Especially chocolate. So I’m trying to ignore the “hunger” days, and keep thinking that “this too shall pass.” Everything does! I just have to let my body adjust to the medicine.

Exercise helps, but I seriously haven’t wanted to do any. So I’m moving extra when it comes to every day tasks. Hey, it’s a small thing, but it’s helping. Every little bit counts, as I’ve said before!

Hard for me to concentrate. It’s the seizure medicine. So further updates soon!!! Ciao for now!!

So I’ve been a bit hard on myself lately. We’ve all been there. We get the “Woe is me” blues, beat ourselves up a bit, our mantra becomes “I just can’t do this…I just can’t do this,” and we give up for a while. At least in our hearts. Suddenly though, a light bulb appears over our head, a little energy seeps into our bodies from an unknown source, and we forge ahead.

I don’t know why this happens to some, and others press on daily, reaching their goals without a hitch, carrying a positive attitude whatever the day may bring…..and falling asleep at night with no regrets, looking forward to tomorrow’s task. Don’t ya just want to kick those people sometimes???

For the last week and a half, I’ve been procrastinating, wallowing in self pity, and doing my best to ignore the fact that I have to “DO” something. Anything! Then a funny thing happened. I stepped on the scale this morning, (something I haven’t done in quite a while), and I had lost 6 lbs! Amazing. In the dark, in the gloom, even amongst the worry over my health issues, I’ve kept myself active and have eaten less without even thinking about it.

I can look back now and notice the changes I’ve made. Not huge ones, mind you, but enough to make a bit of a difference. So I ask myself….”Am I really failing?” Well, it’s not going as quickly as I would have liked, but I could have GAINED 6 lbs! Right?

Some people relieve stress with yoga, meditating, working out, taking a long walk, sleeping, soaking in a hot tub…..all great ideas and very relaxing. I happen to be the praying type. Through all the doubts and depression, I continued praying, and this is what happens! Did my God miraculously whack off 6 lbs. when I wasn’t looking? OF COURSE NOT! But the peace that I receive during my form of meditating, being prayer, has obviously helped me keep a little spark in the back of my mind, so on a daily basis, when I thought I was failing, actually I was doing a little towards the good.

I do know that when my belly has felt full, I’ve been pushing the food away. Trust me, that’s not always something I’ve been known for doing. I think that in itself has helped tremendously. I also bought a new puppy recently. Running around after him all day has definitely kept me on my feet more, and of course, I get outside often due to the potty training process.

Little things. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again, and probably hundreds of times in the future. It truly is the little things in life, and that goes double for getting fit and healthy. We have to start somewhere. And seriously, failing is NOT where it’s at for me!

Have you ever really stopped and thought about what you do in a day? Lately it’s really been bothering me. Oh, we all have days, most days usually, where our schedules are hectic and crazy and we just don’t feel as though we could possibly fit another thing into that 24 hr. period. I feel like that ALL THE TIME! Recently though, I’ve thought a lot about what I do, what I accomplish, and what I DON’T do and DON’T accomplish in a single day. It truly is amazing how “busy” I can be, how rushed I feel on a daily basis, but how little I actually get done, compared to what I DO complete.

I am the type of person who can see a task that needs to be done, jump into it, and then in hustling and bustling to do that one particular job, I spot something else that needs to be done, and I get waylaid…..I grab the next chore, trying to get it done, and sure enough, there’s something else that seems to jump in my path. Meanwhile, the original job I started, is half done, and I find myself in the midst of 3, sometimes 4 or 5, different tasks at one time. Some days I don’t finish ANY of them!

Yes, I’m a crazy person! I’m also a list writer…..it’s those days where I DON’T write my lists, that I realize I’m falling behind, yet taking up the same amount of energy as those times where I start at the top of my list and complete each task one by one!

Which comes to the point of today’s blog. CHARTS! Yes, that is the key word for the day. I bought myself a huge piece of poster board…..you know the kind…..with little lines on it so you don’t have to worry about your beautiful list or graph leaning to the right 1/2 way down the paper?…..and I’m making a list.

Yeah, all we need in a day is MORE things to do on a regular basis, right? There’s a new song out that says “Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’, gotta live like we’re dying.” It goes on to say, “We’ve only got 86,400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or throw it all away.” WOW! Made me think.

On the one hand, we DO “only” have 86,400 seconds in a day and we can make it whatever we want. Either be productive and get things done, or let it slip by, never to see those hours/minutes/seconds again. Once they’re gone, they’re gone! Then I reversed my way of thinking a bit, and it crossed my mind that 86, 400 is an awfully large number. Try counting that high, and see how long it takes!!! Can’t we really accomplish great things in that amount of time????

There I was, picturing my normal day. Busy? Yeah, usually. But could I actually organize my time a bit more? Could I rearrange my schedule so I’m more productive, and so my tasks are condensed a bit, and I could actually fit a bit more into my day? “Of course” was my immediate answer! I waste SO much time “planning” and taking on more than I can handle at one time. Why not make a chart….a list of those things I need to do on a daily basis?

Example: My husband and I love to play tennis, as many of you know, if you’ve read any of my prior blogs. For 3 days in a row we planned to play tennis. FIRST though, we had to do yard work, or go grocery shopping, hang laundry, make some phone calls, pick up some needed items at the hardware store, play taxi driver to my youngest daughter…..everything took precedence. Well, in those 3 days, we never once ended up playing tennis! Shame on us!

My health is getting put on the back burner. With all that’s going on, this is not something I should even consider! With the chance of having M.S., my high cholesterol, not to mention the obesity, I should be focusing on my well being, not putting kids, husband and chores first! Heck, even my animals rate higher on the scale than I do!!

Wait a minute! Kids? Husband? Did I really say KIDS and HUSBAND? Of course, everyone puts their family first, right? Well, yeah. I’ve done it for years now. The fact is, isn’t taking care of myself, and getting healthy, actually putting my family first? Who’s going to be there for them if I’m not around anymore?

I say all this thinking I sound like I have so much sense. But you know what’s funny, yet pathetic? I came up with this “chart” idea several days ago. Bought the poster board several days ago. Yep, you guessed it…. it’s still sitting there, a big, blank empty canvas!! I am SOOOO like that! Just proves my point of this whole blog.

I’m doing it today! I’m getting it done! For one, I’m putting some daily exercises on the list….how long can it take? Can’t I fit in 2 minutes of this, 4 minutes of that? Crunches are quick, squats do not take long….can’t I fit a few in every day? Tennis will be on my list at least 3 times a week. Not only is it great exercise, but I love it. It’s my little break from all the stresses and wackiness of each day! I know that in a short period of time, even if I weren’t to change my eating habits, these daily exercises would help my heart, help my breathing, and little by little take the weight off.

I will let you know how it goes. I plan on checking things off  my list daily…..at the end of a day, you really do feel as though you’ve accomplished so much when you have a check list and you can see just how much you succeeded at!

I don’t know if it’s right for everyone. I just know that I truly can fit some things in for myself. I can add a bit of “healthy living” into each and every day. I just plan on telling myself “this is what I do from now on at this time. Nothing else matters at this moment.” And if I keep it in my head that I can not end my day without accomplishing these things, I’ll get it done! (Yeah, that’s what I’m telling myself!) Will I succeed? I plan to! “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!” Right?

Fill me in on your secrets. Together we can do this! Out of 86, 400 seconds, how long can it take???